Can’t sleep. I hate the idea of my making you feel bad. I’ve spent so much of my life feeling like I wasn’t putting enough energy into the things I cared about, while also being relentlessly guilted by needy people for the amount of time I wasn’t able to offer them. It’s an awful feeling to think you’re disappointing one for the other when neither are getting the attention you wish you could give them.
I say all that to so this: Rest easy into me, Darling. I adore you and cherish every moment and word we share together, and I wouldn’t dare be ungrateful by demanding more. If anyone can relate to feeling guilty for being busy, it’s me. And I hate that feeling, and I love you endlessly, so I’d do anything to protect you from it—especially in the context of us. Rest assured that I know our love is shared and balanced and reciprocated in spades.
I’m in the unique position right now of being probably at my peak most overloaded, overwhelmed, and overscheduled, and I’ve had to sacrifice or slight some mediocre relationships and pastimes, (as well as a few not-so-mediocre ones) because there are only so many hours in the day—yet what I’m busy with happens to be things that require and allow me to express myself in the richest way I’m able. Incidentally, I also happen to be madly in love with you… So while I’m at my most prolific moment to-date, you’re at the center of almost all I’m involved in right now, in one way or another. This is convenient for me, and probably puts a little pressure on you; I realize that. It would be like if you spent 40 hours a week making cupcakes that I had given you the recipes for, and you sent me a dozen per day because you were excited for me to taste them and share the beauty of our mutual creations with me. But alas, my day job (in this analogous scenario) is that of a hamburger taster. I only have so much room in my belly during the work week.
I just want to bring more smiles, warmth, inspiration, and joy to your life because that’s what you do for mine. I want to make your days easier and richer and more tantalizing. I don’t ever want to be a point of stress or guilt or annoyance for you. So please don’t sweat my stack of multimedia love letters to you, sweet lady. There’s absolutely no pressure. They’ll be there whenever you’re ready to taste them. Xoxo